101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme
incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your
checks, write "for sensual
massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through
order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have
conversations with friends in public
consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip
Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it
occasionally with your pen while
talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless
hours by hooking a camcorder to
your TV and then pointing it at the
screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces
together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously
licking all your food, and announce
that this is so no one will "swipe
your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to
reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup
packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for
fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist
on keeping your car windshield
wipers running in all weather
conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone
says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always
wear a bicycle helmet as part of
your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an
independent nation, and sue your
neighbors upstairs for "violating
your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long
joke, but assure the listener it was a
"real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind
someone, spraying everything they
touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem
noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information
in scientific papers and "cc:" them to
your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a
large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer
jargon in conversations, and see if
people play along to avoid the
appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of
ropes in your backyard, and tell the
neighbors you are a "spider
person."
26. Finish all your sentences with
the words "in accordance with the
prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for
your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the
end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the
impression that you'll be saying
more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is
over by clamping your hands over
your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and
"accidentally" flip the ink cartridge
across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a
persons every action in a nasal
Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while
someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so
that all the people are green, and
insist to others that you "like it that
way."
34. Drum on every available
surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of
the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video
consisting entirely of dire FBI
copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in
inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a
novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with
your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night
Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how
slowly you can make a "croaking"
noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored
Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes
before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the
Oldies" over climactic parts of rental
movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a
restaurant, and simply eat their
complimentary mints by the cashier
register.
51. Begin all your sentences with
"ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange
traffic cones and reroute whole
streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with
pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your
clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone
says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in
random spots on all of someone's
roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of
your personal Kennedy
assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson
conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following
conversation a dozen times: "Do
you hear that?" "What?" "Never
mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday
cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant,
asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address
you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one
dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing
"Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until
physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says
"Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather
than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder,
mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse
is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell
Overture by tapping on the bottom
of your chin. When nearly done,
announce "no, wait, I messed it up,"
and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist
only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they
are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the
Oreos, and place the cookie parts
back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If
Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to
furniture, informing the curious that
you don't want to fall off "in case the
big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum s
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